Lord Of The Returns
by azzo93
Summary: Maddie, a cynical young girl has been dwindling along the road of long hours, late shifts and a jaded outlook upon life in general. Although she utilizes escapism to get by through reading books, she finds herself very much entangled in a situation that she much rather observe and fantasise about than be apart of.
1. Chapter 1

I locked eyes with the women a few feet from the counter and sighed under my breath, not even letting her interrupt with me with an explanation as i recited my self dubbed "no receipt" spiel. Imprinted in my mind due to tireless repetition, i execute it with absolute perfection. It was exactly 10 o'clock, and I was in no mood for niceties after working 10 hours.

"Unfortunately Waverly's returns policy changed on the fourth of November, and for that reason employees are unable to accept returns or-"

"What about exchanges, can't I just swap it for something similar in children's wear?" she questioned in a Slavic accent with a raised eyebrow, interjecting me condescendingly as the pushed the plain silver bracelet in front of me of … challenging me.

"Challenging me"? you may ask, don't think i realize at this point i may sound like some weird pedantic worker at a department store who performs their job with way to much conviction to be considered mentally stable. But i guarantee you, although this situation says other wise, i am not one of those people. But the perils of denying a return without a receipt is a dangerous scenario, one which requires tenaciousness, resilience, persistence and a little bit of well timed charm that is garnered from fake sympathy. This recipe of mine is my tactic that serves me well within the verbal sparring that occurs often at Waverly's children's wear department.

Collecting myself, I retorted back immediately "or exchanges".

Pausing, we both pierced each other with our eyes, fostering an awkward tension. Only then did I observe her accurately, draped in elaborate robes that possessed intricate and strange details like some sort of contemporary 21st century gypsy. I broke our exchange to glance at the clock. 10:05. Time to end this. In my attempt to appear more assertive and forceful than I actually was, I realized it would only take a little more pushing from her to break me down. Succumbing to my dire need to escape and just go I let my inherent impulsiveness take reign.

"Have a great day" I said to her as I proceeded to completely ignore her presence, collecting my things. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her looking on at me flabbergasted, with no surprise actually as I was doing something very admittedly rude.

"But I got this as a gift! This is absolutely ridiculous" she fumed throwing her hands in the air, her numerous bangles seemingly emphasizing her annoyance as they clanked and jangled loudly together. Shit, she is upset... Time to que sympathy.

"Sorry about that" I apologized sheepishly as i struggled with my handbag. Okay, not as articulate and well delivered as I hoped, but I was honestly too tired to pretend as if I actually cared about her problem. But I had to say something, something else to close this precarious situation on a good note. I opened my mouth to allow the words to come out that would do such a thing, but nothing came out. Her face was mortified with objection as she obviously wanted to say something else, but I rushed past her down to the escalators.

Although this display of employee rebellion may have seemed quite tame to others, it was honestly the most thrilling act of defiance I have ever executed in my boring shitty work life. Within that moment, I was god…. Okay perhaps a bit of an overstatement but with that being said it felt pretty damn good. Still feeling the rush from my untimely escape, I clocked out with smug satisfaction. Only when I escaped the artificial light of Waverly's outside into the dark expanse of the streets I realized what I actually did.

"God damnit" I said to myself as dread fogged my mind into the stark reality of things. I am 18, there are no jobs at the moment, I rent with my sister, I support myself. That woman would definitely complain of my little act of defiance, hell I would. Good bye job.

I observed the two paths to my tiny little apartment and although one was faster, it was Saturday night and usually filled with drunk 20 something men of the worst kind from all facets of life- the kind that usually repulsed me. The other path, although much longer was taken through Mullohan park, a beautiful and quiet park filled with dark murky streams, littered with unkempt wild vegetation that encroached and dominated its winding pathways. It was obvious that no one had bothered to maintain it, and the lack of people attested to that. But after dealing with the general populace all day who simply put were greedy, stupid and mean albeit a few individuals, solitude was exactly what I wanted.

Delving deeper into the park as the paved paths slowly made way for dirt ones, I made my way to an isolated bench overlooking a large foggy pond that was eerily still.

Feeling a sudden sense of urgency that I ignored before due to the panicked realization that I may very well be fired, I fumbled in my bag for my pack of cigarettes, clumsily sliding one out of the cardboard pack to meet the flame of my lighter. As the embers burned I felt the relief that only smokers can describe, the smoke filling my lungs embracing me with a bit of serenity. Looking at the cigarette after puffing out the fumes that floated gracefully in the humid windless night, I mildly worried about the dirty habit I picked up when I was fourteen. Pushing the thought aside I tried to not worry about something else, it seems that was all I did these days.

Suddenly, a heavy clump pounded beneath me and alerted my attention to the floor. Looking down, I picked it up and dusted off the specks of dirt that it collected on the grass. It was lord of the rings, the two towers. Although I had bought all the three of the books a month ago in a dusty old book depository, proceeding to read them all within a manner of days- it only satiated my desire so much. The books offered a wonderful escape from everything, a whole other universe that was intricately crafted by another person. Every time I read it, I gained more and more insight into every interesting aspect of this other world the book offered.

Even though the books made me happy, It was a guilty indulgence I am afraid. Why you ask? Well admittedly, I was a very self conscious person- and I felt like a complete and utter loser reading the books in my spare time when I should be… well doing what ever an 18 year old is supposed to do. So I hid my little secret well, I'll admit that. I stroked the cover book lovingly and smiled upon it like I would my own child.

The secret harboring and inherent love of the books made me feel somewhat like Gollum. "My only… my precious" I said jokingly to myself, only to feel incredibly lame at the hands of my joke and slightly embarrassed at my poor form in terms of humor. Surprisingly poor form. Then out of no were, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Why you no give me return?" I heard that all too familiar ethnic voice question at the same time.

My heart sank as I turned around to face her, I was in such a rush I didn't even remember what she looked like. But i don't think I would even want to remember anyway. As her face was a mere 30 centimeters from mine, I could see her wrinkled and disheveled face, tanned and leathery with contorted and sagged features. I was so close I could even see the numerous hairs that poked out from her chin and eyebrows, further exacerbating the overall macabre nature of her face. Shocked and taken aback, I was simply at a loss of words to say. Uncomfortable at the overwhelming proximity, I stumbled up from the bench to stand and face her. Well this was just fabulous, the customer I refused to grant a return to has come back with a vengeance, an angry and freaky customer who at this point I realized may very well be mentally unstable- or just really keen for her money back.

"How dare you deny me what I wanted" she remarked as the old woman sauntered towards me threateningly. "I am not simply an individual that one can deny" she continued in a raspy tone that transformed into something sounded almost demonic.

Okay well that just confirmed the fact that she was pretty much insane.

I stepped back further as she encroached my personal space, I was moving so much I didn't even realize that I was nearly touching the murky edge of the pond. She then proceeded to put her hand in her pocket, fishing for something that I honestly didn't even want to know. I then pulled out a can of pepper spray I remembered I had in my hand bag, something I thought I would utilize only in a dire situation for the drunken slur of men I normally encountered after my late shifts.

"Listen you crazy old bitch this is pepper spray and I will definitely use it if you get anywhere closer to me" i replied in an attempt of a heroic bravado, only for the words to sound meek and panicked.

"Your cooking utensils will give you no escape from me little one" she replied, laughing menacingly at the can I held at an arms length directly at her.

I rolled my eyes as I comprehended the fact that she was just a frail old woman, most likely some sort of drug addict or homeless person who was off her rocker, and with that I acquired some confidence. As I lowered the can of pepper spray, the attitude that normally accompanies my sporadic and untimely jumps of self-confidence surfaced it's cocky little head.

"Okay listen to me, I know you most likely needed the money for meth or booze or to feed your grandchildren or whatever- but at the same time… uhm what's your name exactly?"

"Marzanna" she replied wearily, her eyes squinting, obviously confused at my erratic discourse.

"Marzanna" I continued curtly. "I only work for Waverly's part time and was just reinforcing their policies, if I didn't I would most likely be fired. But, it seems after tonight that I will in fact be fired anyway under the assumption that you will complain about me, and with that I'm pretty sure that your vengeance will be served. Your wrath will indeed be felt with full force as I sink into the dark abyss of unemployment, oh great and glorious Marzanna" I continued as I curtsied to her with an elaborate bow of respect. "The dark lord of customer complaints, the cunning customer foe of young employees, your desire of revenge has been accomplished."

"Does thou dare to mock me?" The still air suddenly picked up, flailing Marzanna's wirey hair that was streaked with dull tones brown and grey widely.

"Thy does not mock thou, but rather praise doth with clear respect" I looked at my wrist watch. "Oops sorry Marzanna I really need to get home, I have to go to the gym really early tomorrow so I don't miss my zumba class, it's really fun stuff.. get to do much needed work on my poor glutes in a really thrilling combination of hip hop infused dance and cardio".

I then proceeded to pick up my bag, only to find that Marzanna was directly next to my lord of the rings book. Figures that would happen. Slight panic overwhelmed me as she diverted her attention to where I was staring. Smiling at me cruelly, she lent over and picked up the book, proceeding to carelessly flick through the pages with her boney talon like fingers. With child like desperation and vulnerability, I looked upon her as she knew exactly what I wanted back.

"You enjoy this book no?" Marzana questioned slyly in her broken English, her eyes unnaturally appearing like piercing black holes in the already dark night.

"Yes I do enjoy it, very much so" I responded with the feeling of helplessness engulfing me more than I thought it would.

The wind picked up even more so than before as the temperate night felt suddenly icy, the howling winds "I will give you your book back".

"Really?"

"Yes"

"Legit?"

"What do you mean by this "legit"?"

"Like actually?"

"YES!" Marzana howled back with frustration.

Okay well this situation was getting really confusing, and the sudden act of kindness upon Marzana's part was somewhat discerning, but I guess the shrew wasn't a that much of a bad person- maybe good old Marzana had some redeemable qualities about her after all.

"But when you take this book of yours, you must also take something else", proceeding to open her clenched fist in front of me- she showed me the plain little silver chain of a bracelet. Hey, it was a pretty good deal to me.

"Okay agreed. First thing tomorrow we will do the refund, has to be early though when my manager Daniel's not around, he has the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox, definitely not someone that we can hide this little activity of ours from"

Marzanna flailed her arm in the air "No you stupid and ignorant girl, I do not want a refund for this.. I have different plans for my item"

This was just getting confusing now.

"Well do you want me to give you money for it? I mean I think I have a 20 somewhere in my purse and about 10 dollars in change if you're fine with that, if you're not I can like send you a cheque or even like deposit some money in your bank account if you can text me the details or something" I explained.

"You speak in riddles and your tongue attempts to confuse me" accused Marzana suspiciously.

"Well do you have paypal?"

"HUSH!" she asserted to me as she lunged for my wrist in what seemed like a flash, the air turning bitter and the winds howling madly as I struggled against her grip, surprisingly overwhelmingly strong for a woman her age and size. As our struggled continued, I managed to foster enough strength to pull myself out of the manic tackle, stumbling backwards as I felt a sharp pain on my wrist. The pain was to the likeness of burning, making my limb ache with pain. I stumbled over a tree branch and hit the floor with a loud thud, heavily thumping my head in an adrenaline fueled daze. I looked to the source of my pain and indeed the only thing there was the bracelet, the small silver chain sitting neatly on my wrist.

Standing above me in a display of overwhelming authority, she looked upon my body with some sort of sick accomplishment. Throwing my book, I watched it land upon a small bank of dry land that was a few feet into the pond.

"You shall keep both items child, and they in turn shall keep you" She bent down, her sour breath hitting my face as she whispered, "Whether or not you shall accept this exchange is entirely up to you". As she said those last words she disappeared into the darkness, the chilling winds serenely transforming into the warmth and serenity that encompassed the park before.

I took a few deep breaths as I attempted to collect myself from the disgruntling and extremely weird scene that I realized I just took part in. I tried not to think about the sheer stupidity that the woman displayed when she gave me the exact same bracelet that she wanted to return, but I guess nutcases indeed have no real motives. Maybe she thought the act was a real "stick it to the man move" in her twisted little mind, but at least she got what she wanted. I noticed that even though the pain within my wrist was slightly subsiding, it was strange the amount It ached and throbbed. Attributing it probably to the woman's fit of rage and the physical struggle that occurred between us, I thought nothing of it as I saw my poor little book sitting on the bank. I observed my work clothes, the black material already tattered, dirty beaten up from the recent events, and thought to myself.

Screw it.

I paid good money for those books, 40 dollars all together (which, by the way is a substantial amount in a menial laborers life) and I wasn't going to let that old woman have the last laugh.

As I wearily got up from my disheveled position on the ground i fixated my eyes on the book, although only about 2 meters in to the pond, seemingly sitting a mile away. Out of all the very stupid and impulsive things I have done in my life I am almost certain that this would probably count as one of them, but I honestly didn't care anymore. Putting one leg ankle deep into the muddy moss laden water, I could feel the water and mud squash into the crevices of my shoe. Gross. What compelled me to keep on going, I honestly didn't know, but before I knew it I was about knee deep in the pond when I found myself only a few centimeters from my book. As I felt a slight sense of liberation overcoming me knowing that JR Tolkien's work would be in my hands once again, a large and random draft of wind sweeped over the once calm pond, carelessly catching the pages of the book and flipping it into the water.

So there I found myself, pathetically stranded in the middle of a pond with no book and no actual reason to be in the position I was currently in.

As frustration overwhelmed my being for my own stupidity and shitty luck, i mentally cursed Marzana and this whole situation I found myself in. Only, I didn't have time to wallow in self pity. A unnatural force of gravity suddenly attempted to pull me down, the source of which being the bracelet, the ordinary little thing glowing bright blue. Confused and slightly scared, I attempted to take it off- only for it to pull me down with a weight that seemed almost magnetic to the ground. Unable to resist the compelling force that easily brought me to my knees in the pond, I struggled as I fumbled with the bracelet. The whole situation culminated till I found myself face down in the pond itself, descending into blackness as my mind became foggy with sheer panic and bewilderment. At that point, I was pretty sure all of this could have been easily avoided if I had simply given her the return. That, and if I wasn't such a cheap ass and just bought another copy of the book.


	2. Chapter 2

The last thing on earth I feel physically, emotionally or mentally equipped to do is to get up after the bullshit from last night, compliments of Marzana. After it dawned on me in my half delirious state that I indeed did survive my near death experience with the pond, I crawled myself pathetically off the edge of the bank in the early hours of the morning and found a rather inviting shrub to substitute as a bed. The sun was beating down on the back of my head right now, and that means people will be flocking to Mollohan park. I know I should most likely get up now but… Ugh. Cannot face thought of go to work. Only thing which makes it slightly tolerable is thought of getting some much needed cash in, but then again that won't happen since at this point I desire only to sit on my bed eating chocolate and watching x-mas specials that I garnered a strange satisfaction from. Did I mention it was Christmas eve tonight? And on top of it's strenuous financial and emotional toll it seems just plain wrong and unfair that on Christmas I am put into this situation.

Lying in this shrub was a becoming a very introspective experience, I'll give you that, but it concerned me that I would seem like some sort of half crazed drunkard who passed out in a park. Most likely there are members of the general public staring at me right now, joggers running over my body as a hurdle for extra activity and parents swerving their children away warningly from the unconscious woman in the park.

I should probably open my eyes now. Only I didn't have time to register the thought when I felt a sharp prick on the back of my neck. I just knew it was one of those very children poking me with a stick.

"I'm not dead" I muffled through my safe haven of the shrub, which I have grown rather fond of.

"Quiet shrew" the voice bit back. A male voice I might add, deep and gruff tainted with an English accent.

Oh no I have to put up with an angry 30 something stay at home dad now. They are the worst. He probably thinks I'm a strange breed of predator who deliberately saunters around a park in the early morning with the sole intention of attacking his children. Before I turn around could reassure him I was not one of those types, he pricked the back of my neck and continued without a thought.

"What is a vagabond such as yourself, with no provisions I may add, doing out in the boarders of Rivendell whilst finding a safe haven in a plant?"

I didn't bother to turn and face him since I honestly needn't be bothered, that and I'd rather not let him see my face then discover that same woman was working at a reputable department store. Not good. And Rivendell? Ha what a tourist. A very confused tourist, who obviously holds an inherent prejudice against the homeless.

"I'm pretty sure Rivendell is in Middle Earth, I'm sorry to break it to you" I corrected gently, if not a little amused.

The prick that sauntered on the back of my neck slightly embedded itself with more intensity, actually becoming uncomfortable now "Yes, Rivendell is in Middle Earth. And you, you are on it's boarders" He stated warningly.

A unnerving silence filled the air as no further words were exchanged. A good, solid amount of unnerving silence.

"Um…. Okay. Right. I'll get a taxi." I blurted awkwardly, deliberating that it was well overdue that I be on my way.

I tried to do so but the shrub, once acting as friend and ally was now taking the position of adversary. I scrambled to turn around and quickly make my exit from insane English guy, but my efforts were useless. Every time I moved every inch of my body was only further imprisoned in the labyrinth of the shrub. As I continued to fall prey to it with a loud cacophony of noise, I heard a very loud and deliberate sigh of impatience behind me. With that, two very large hands grabbed my shoulders roughly- and with surprising ease flung me carelessly to the ground.

Embittered and shocked from his man handling, I gained the strength to face this moron with a particular scathing anger that only a woman can posses.

"Hey I nearly drowned you ass do you even realize what I went through…" my last words drowned in my throat realized the source of the incessant pricking was not from a stick, but from a sword. Merely inches from my now fully exposed neck. Oh god I was being robbed, or something even worse that I didn't even want to fathom, by a sword. A sword? Well that's a little be passé, who is this man and why is he carrying something so obsolete in the time of guns and explosives and… guns. In fear, I tried to squint my eyes that were still struggling to adjust to the light as I attempted to make out the person who was doing this. Much to my frustration, the sun behind them drowned out any features they possessed, creating only a very large, tall silhouette bordered by the cloudless blue sky. This confusing, frightening and rather enticingly mysterious predicament I found myself in was soon brought to light, the figure suddenly leering down at me. I couldn't see his facial expression, but something told me that if I did, he would have not been a happy camper. I felt paralyzed with anxiety as he broke the distance between us, roughly grabbing the collar of my shirt. I braced myself to finally see the person doing this, only to see..

Sean Bean?

So by this point i was just really too overwhelmed with confusion to acknowledge the possibility of my throat being lacerated. By SEAN BEAN of all people. Not only did I recognize him from the first Lord Of The Rings installment as Boromir, but from my sister who forcibly imposed his plethora of obscure movies on me due to her undying obsession of his "talent". Of course i saw easily through her masquerade, noting her lust filled eyes as she dreamily observed his films like a giggling tween. But why was Sean Bean of all people in Mullohan Park? And more importantly why was he pointing a lord of the rings esque sword at my throat? Perhaps he was having some sort of Britney Spears moment, like those ones where celebrities just crumble in their own shit storm of craziness in the public eye.

Well what ever internal conflict Sean Bean was struggling with now, I felt no compulsion to take any part in it (unlike my sister, who would most likely break down in joy granted such opportunity). As Sean Beans grip tightened on my shirt, pulling me off the floor, a proper look at his attire saw him dressed much like Boromir from lord of the rings. No, exactly like Boromir. Not only was he elaborately draped in the heavy materials, but he like... Embodied the man. Greasy blonde locks, scruffy 3 o'clock shadow, intense and rather unbecoming demeanor to strangers. Everything. Either Sean Bean was completely and utterly delusional at the moment, or just super confused with his life.

So as i faced an extremely intense and aggressive Sean Bean with a sword, The moment i was flung to my feet I promptly made it my mission to sort out this messy scenario I found myself in with actor turned steward Sean Bean. And quickly.. Very quickly leave.

"I'm really really sorry Mr. Bean, I didn't mean to startle you and it seems you're in a rather _fragile_ state at the moment"

He tilted his head, slightly taken aback from my judgment regarding his mental state.

I noted this, and continued on "Just send me on my way and ill make my way to the park exit near Annandale Street. And I'll leave you and your sword..." My eyes trailed down nervously to the extremely realistic looking piece of metal hovering merely inches from my neck. "Be together. Alone" I offered, slightly stuttering.

He raised an eyebrow dubiously at that last comment, face crunched with confusion.

Still probing his sword right at me, he pointed a gloved finger at me "I am not this "Sean Bean", whoever he may be. And there is no such street you speak of here either, the nearest would be at Rivendell which is not for miles. Woman."

Besides how he felt it was really that necessary to finish his verbal onslaught with "woman" irritated me, what irritated me more was how the actor was being a complete dick right now. A completely insane one. Although it was ridiculous his accusations of being in middle earth, a quick scan of our surroundings proved to me we were still at Mullohan park. It looked different in flooded by the bright morning sun, accompanied by the rustling activity of nature. But here we were, standing in the exact same spot I was when i overlooked the pond. And subsequently assaulted. Something admittedly did seem a little off about the scene in front of me though, much to my concern.

My thoughts were interrupted by Boromir, who's eyes intently and rather creepily scanned me up and down. Threateningly, he sauntered around me in a circle deciding it would be cool to play "bad cop" or something. Only then did I notice the overwhelming distance in height between me and Boromir clad Sean Bean, that immense difference in physical size. If he was indeed Boromir and I was some sort of ork or crazy witch from Middle earth he would easily be able to destroy me right then and there. But alas, I was neither.. And he was Sean Bean. So that situation was not possible, in fact it would have been kind of funny. But not really.

I felt his presence behind me, scanning me up and down. "Are you a witch?" He interrogated.

Oh god he actually thinks I'm a witch. Not funny. Not funny at all. I mentally cursed myself as if I set myself up for that one.

"No!" I protested. "Like I'm just about a witch as you are the steward of Gondar man" I then pursed my lips together hesitantly, knowing it was a snarky assertion to make.

"Well such things are true, so one would say you are admitting to being such a creature?" He bit back as he came into my vision again.

"I'm not. I promise on... On something really important in my life. I can't think of anything at the moment but I will soon. Bare with me." I assured him hurriedly.

He wasn't impressed at my half arsed attempt at a promise, I can tell you that. He was now standing directly in front of me again, continuing to dissect me with his eyes from head to toe. It was slightly surreal to say the least, having Boromir intimidate you.

Stopping, he zoomed in curiously at the small badge on my black and now very filthy shirt with the "WAVERLY'S" logo imprinted in bold black letters on it. He used the tip of his sword to tilt the badge up, the proximity of it to my chest making my heart palpitate.

Perplexed, he asserted to me "Waverly's?... Is this your clans insignia? I have not heard of such a lineage." Studying the badge closely.

"Well no. They're a business, I am an employee. Although they seem like a clan sometimes, an oppressive one. Exercising their absolute control in a cruel and arbitrary way."

My attempt at humor obviously fell flat, Boromir simply continuing to stare at me if I was mad, a piercing stare that seemed to burn through my very soul. Yes, it was that penetrating and intense. Still cautious, he lowered his sword slightly and before I knew it he was close. Extremely close. His invasion of my personal space was making me quite fidgety as he loomed down at me.

He scrunched his forehead; his grey eyes slightly squinted with indecision.

"I cannot deliberate weather you are just a woman of _extremely_ bad manners," he paused, trying to decipher the correct words "or simply half witted."

"I have the exact same problem myself." I confessed.

"Shut up"

"Will do" I replied hastily, submitting to the threatening will of Sean Bean/Boromir. The thought of escape was still plaguing my mind mercilessly, feeling an overwhelming desire to retreat back to my tiny apartment and lock myself away in my room, preferably with food of the shittiest kind. One can only deal with minute dose of mentally unstable people in the span of twenty four hours without being traumatized. And for that reason I felt the best thing for me was at this point was a good wallowing sesh in my own self pity, the remorse of these stressful series of events hopefully drowned away with the cathartic effect of junk food.

Boromir… Sean Bean, whatever he was, was growing evidently irritated from his now restless disposition. and raised his voice with authority, continuing to hold his steel like gaze. "I grow tired of your games, and you will tell me why you are here. Right now." He commanded.

He had a good point. Why am I here? I didn't have a chance to properly process it until now, and it hit me like a slap on the face.

That goddamn woman.

That goddamn bracelet.

My goddamn stupidity.

"Well the thing is, I was attacked last night in a park by a very intense and surprisingly rowdy old woman. This park actually. She threw my Lord Of…" I faltered my words, thinking it was best not to mention that small detail around good old "Boromir" who was in my presence. "Book.", I corrected "Book into that pond, I was very fond of it and I'm quite tight on cash at the moment. But hey who's not these days? I mean I would happily sell off my right foot if it meant I could get out of paying the bills, you know what I mean?"

I waited for a response but was granted with tough reception. Knowing that it wasn't going to change anytime soon I continued to gabble on nervously.

"So I ventured in to the pond to get it, then I drowned. But it turns out I didn't! Because I'm here. Alive. Talking to you." I finished, jumping from word to word with a jittering nervousness I failed to conceal.

Much to my relief he seemingly let down his guard a little, stepping back slightly and giving me more space to breathe. Nonetheless suspicion was still written all over his face upon hearing my story.

"So this '_park_' is the exact same land we stand on now?" He questioned with an disbelieving, slightly belittling air.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his idiocy, wow. He was really out of touch with reality. "Yes. I was sitting right there on that bench" I retorted, looming beyond Boromir as to confirm my statement.

Upon my inspection I received a rude awakening of nothing, absolutely nothing. Oh my god. The bench wasn't there. Where was the bench? My mouth hung with confusion at the site before me, with no signs of a bench previously occupying the space. The same small grassy clearing, bordered with overhanging trees greeted me calmly as if nothing had happened. I'm sure this couldn't have been a natural phenomenon, like I've never heard of occurring cases of dissipating benches. The idea of me perhaps being transported to middle earth snuck into my mind and was suddenly digging at my thoughts. It was ridiculous of course, but I was no stranger to ridiculous at this point. Lamenting the possibility of such a thing only filled me with a sinking dread one only gets when they know they are knee deep in a shitty situation.

"So this bench you speak of, why is it not here?" He patronizingly inquired as he sauntered around the space, taking note of my awe stuck face that was rife with disbelief.

I didn't know. How should I know that?

"How should Iknow that?" I bit back. That's right Maddie. You tell him, you tell him good.

"Besides your _absence_ of sanity, which I am sure we have clearly established by now" he mused, rubbing his chin in thought. "The reason as to exactly why this old woman felt the need result to violence and throw your… book in this pond, remains a mystery to me"

I let it slide the fact that someone who was parading around from a fictional universe as the Steward of Gondor was declaring I was insane and calmly went on in explanation.

"I didn't return her bracelet that she was madly incessant about getting her money back for, she found me here and forced it upon me for whatever _insane _justification she had." I expressed bitchily, happily grasping on to the opportunity of complaining about her to anyone that would listen. "Overall, it's a mystery to the both of us. That and the magic disappearing act of the bench."

He ignored my last remark as his eyes suddenly slowly trailed downwards and widened with shock. Looking at the source of his sudden change in character, I noted the bracelet. The small petite thing once again glowing a radiant blue, projecting it's light dazzlingly even in the middle of the day.

"Is this.. the bracelet you speak of?" he murmured, transfixed on the thing as he scrutinized it cautiously from a distance.

"Wow someone seems to like it! Yeah I've seen it put on a cool little light show like this before. You can totally borrow it sometime if you like, it would make a cute accessory to your outfit." I jabbed rather bravely, considering the circumstances of the situation.

"Please cease your _incessant_ rambling. " He scolded crossly, quietly closing in on me and the bracelet as he continued to be almost hypnotically enticed by it.

"Yep that's fine" I squeaked out. Once again frozen by the creeping feeling of uneasiness swelling inside me as Boromir persisted his creepy advance towards me.

This was absolutely a nightmare, a horrible and cruel nightmare. Here I was trapped in some hellish scenario with someone, regardless of weather they were Boromir or Sean Bean, who now held the expression of an axe-murderer. Dear God, please help me. I want to go home. Through my dread I hoped to god that this was all a hoax and the man in front of me was simply Mr. Bean instead of a well armed and extremely dangerous warrior from middle earth. Did I just think of him as Mr. Bean? Imagine if the other one was here now, he could definitely put a much needed fun spin on things with his bewilderment and inherently manic attitude. I would much rather stumble into Mr. Bean wreaking having in his unintelligible nonsense… wherever I was at the moment then deal with a mean and surprisingly bitchy Boromir.

The same Boromir who now carried an the predatory stance of an African animal at the start of a fight on a David Attenborough programme.

"I see we have been _hiding_ some things have we?"


End file.
